Memorium

I remember the feeling of cold hands in a warm hospital bed

I remember asking "but what if she didn't want to go?"

I remember seeing the same condition affect a close friend.

I remember not crying at his funeral, and instead went into complete apathy

I remember hating life

I remember cursing god

I remember seeing my "friends" for who they really were

I remember secluding myself

I remember the temperature and the feel of the knife.

I remember a voice in my head.

I remember the weight of the words putting the knife down.

And because of that I can now say:

I remember my first time holding hands.

I remember the feeling of getting paid for doing my hobby

I remember smelling the cinnamon rolls on Christmas morning

I remember my brother shocked that I was a foot and a half taller during his two yea leave

I remember hearing "50 Ways to Say Goodbye" during my first time driving alone

I remember the cruise ship where I made 4 Canadian friends.

I remember coming back and seeing that the friends I had were the best people I had ever met

I remember gaining full trust in my friends again

I remember going to Lake Powell and dancing in front of my mangager to Carried Away by Passion Pit with my best friend and not giving a damn.

I remember when he told me that I calmed him down during a panic attack

I remember going back to school and not dreading it

I remember when I first heard Title and Registration and decided to become a better person.

I remember the New Years party where we played Just Dance and forgot that we were gonna watch the sun rise this year.

I remember when I stopped hearing the same tone in "I Love You" because I had trusted them.

I remember forgetting that because the "I Love You"'s from people I had known for 2 months were better.

I remember feeling as though I had gained so many friends.

I remember that half of them won't carry conversation with me anymore.

I remember spending Halloween playing Monopoly and still loving the people I played with.

I remember the first time I heard Hello My Old Heart

And Heaven Go Easy On Me

And I Have Made Mistakes

And Vultures

I remember when I cancelled on a month long plan because I was once again feeling unimportant.

I remember his face and how it destroyed me emotionally for the next 12 hours.

I remember when I was told that I was one of the most important people in her life.

I remember getting a job so that I could get presents for others instead of buying things for myself.

As horribly corny and stupid as it sounds;

It really does get better.

It'll be bad at times

You'll still experience heartache

But you can't miss the little things

Because to others

It might not be so little.