Anti-suppressant

Please heed my advice.

Tell them you love them.  Don't miss your opportunity.

Do whatever you want.  We're on earth, but make it your heaven.

Think for yourself.  Don't make the words you write in a journal someone else's.

Focus on the smaller things.  The beauty in paintings is often the attention to detail.

Get in trouble.  Not legal trouble, and nothing that hurts someone, but at least show that you're not that easily tied down.

Be true to yourself.  You're gonna meet fake people if you're not real.

Cut ties that hurt you.  The split will be painful, but not like how the tie was slowly wringing your neck.

Waste time.  Find out what you really like and how you think and what really matters to you.

Last but not least,

Smile.

Please do these things before you end up like me

Wishing you had a medication that doesn't exist.

I am Dana Spencer

Hello, I'm Dana Spencer.

That's obviously not my name

but it's who I am at the moment.



Here is Dana


And here is Spencer

Both of them have one of my dream jobs; animator.

However I'm not as good as them
and they're honestly not that amazing.

They are talented but they're not there.
Both of them have begun working for other companies.

At the moment I am Dana Spencer
Half way to where these guys are
but Dana Spencer is not who I want to be.
Dana Spencer is who I will surpass.
My name will be the leader of the studio
and my films will hit the big screens
and I will create what I want.

• If you knew me you would know that I ALWAYS listen to music and I, in fact, like too much music.  Too many genres and artists.
• If you knew me you would understand that creative was really fun because I'm actually really corny so poetry is right up my alley.
• If you knew me you would know that my favorite things to do are actually NOT play video games but Snowboarding, Surfing and Wakeboarding.
• If you knew me you have probably noticed that I am not exactly the most talkative person.  I don't start conversation, but once we have one going I can go for hours.
• If you knew me you would know that I am a pacifist.  Or at least I try to be.  I can't be the same little ball of rage I was throughout elementary and middle school.
• If you knew me than you know that friends are the most important thing to me.  Fav quote is "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb".  I find it powerful that there are people who won't leave me and that they love me unconditionally without feeling like they are obligated to do so because of a predetermined relation.
• If you knew me you would know that I haven't gone to church in 4 months, cuss too much, don't really care about a lot of the rules that I was taught from the church yet still loves God because of everything that is here and given to me.
• If you knew me you would know that if I call you a friend I completely mean it.  Fake friends defined the first 7 years of living in Utah, and I'm not about to put anyone through that hell.

And one day you will see the name Jordan Jay Williams on the credits of an award winning animated film.

And that I have a friend who kinda looks like she could be my sister.

And that I have ridiculous faces on rollercoasters

And Snapchat probably should've been taken away from me a long time ago

I'm sad to see the creative writing class come to an end
but it won't change that I will continue writing
because once in my life I had someone who made me enjoy it.
Mr. Nelson, you've done so much for me and the writers paris this year, and it's been a blast.  I can't express my thanks to it's full extent, but maybe you can understand a glimpse of my thanks when I give you my journal.  Never would I have thought that I could just walk out into the school hall and perform what I had known for all of two days and only lasted 40 seconds.  It felt good to not worry.




I am Dana Spencer
but Jordan Jay Williams will come around someday.

Memorium

I remember the feeling of cold hands in a warm hospital bed

I remember asking "but what if she didn't want to go?"

I remember seeing the same condition affect a close friend.

I remember not crying at his funeral, and instead went into complete apathy

I remember hating life

I remember cursing god

I remember seeing my "friends" for who they really were

I remember secluding myself

I remember the temperature and the feel of the knife.

I remember a voice in my head.

I remember the weight of the words putting the knife down.

And because of that I can now say:

I remember my first time holding hands.

I remember the feeling of getting paid for doing my hobby

I remember smelling the cinnamon rolls on Christmas morning

I remember my brother shocked that I was a foot and a half taller during his two yea leave

I remember hearing "50 Ways to Say Goodbye" during my first time driving alone

I remember the cruise ship where I made 4 Canadian friends.

I remember coming back and seeing that the friends I had were the best people I had ever met

I remember gaining full trust in my friends again

I remember going to Lake Powell and dancing in front of my mangager to Carried Away by Passion Pit with my best friend and not giving a damn.

I remember when he told me that I calmed him down during a panic attack

I remember going back to school and not dreading it

I remember when I first heard Title and Registration and decided to become a better person.

I remember the New Years party where we played Just Dance and forgot that we were gonna watch the sun rise this year.

I remember when I stopped hearing the same tone in "I Love You" because I had trusted them.

I remember forgetting that because the "I Love You"'s from people I had known for 2 months were better.

I remember feeling as though I had gained so many friends.

I remember that half of them won't carry conversation with me anymore.

I remember spending Halloween playing Monopoly and still loving the people I played with.

I remember the first time I heard Hello My Old Heart

And Heaven Go Easy On Me

And I Have Made Mistakes

And Vultures

I remember when I cancelled on a month long plan because I was once again feeling unimportant.

I remember his face and how it destroyed me emotionally for the next 12 hours.

I remember when I was told that I was one of the most important people in her life.

I remember getting a job so that I could get presents for others instead of buying things for myself.

As horribly corny and stupid as it sounds;

It really does get better.

It'll be bad at times

You'll still experience heartache

But you can't miss the little things

Because to others

It might not be so little.

Heaven

Heaven was

the

huge grin on his face

The addiction

Of

Life with him

Thoughts and 

Memories of

His

Love